David Matthews 2 is a freelance writer in Alpharetta, Georgia. He is also the host of a weekly audio rant which you can hear at the main page.

The 2007 Brutally Honest Awards
– by David Matthews 2

Once again, it is time to wrap up the year with some thoughts of the stuff that has happened in it.  The best of the best, the worst of the worst, and so on and so forth…

The 2007 Brutally Honest Award for the Biggest Disappointment: House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, and the Democratic “Majority” – As mentioned back in 2006, the Democrats didn’t EARN their victory.  They were HANDED control of the Congress to them by their corrupt GOP counterparts.  They promised to shake things up.  They promised to keep the Bush Imperium in check.  They promised to hold the Bush Imperium accountable for their actions.  They FAILED to do any of that!  They continued to cower like scolded children at the word “terrorism”.  Their record is pitiful, abysmal, inexcusable, and reprehensible.  Their “excuse” that they lack the “veto-proof majority” is a fabrication of their own cowardice.  The GOP had no such fear when they controlled things by even the slimmest of margins.  They didn’t cower and cater to the White House, even when it was run by Bill Clinton!  The members of the Democratic “majority” are an embarrassment to their liberal supporters and to the American people in general!

The Biggest Cop-Out in 2007: House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s “Impeachment is off the table” – Excuse me?  OFF the table?  Mind you, this statement was made even BEFORE Pelosi took control of the House!  I suppose that Pelosi was trying to show some “good will” towards the Imperium, but that good will should have been revoked the minute the Imperium continued to do whatever they promised.  “Impeachment is off the table.”  That’s like announcing BEFORE the Gulf War that we’re not going to hold Saddam Hussein responsible for anything he does during that time, instead of giving him a pass after-the-fact as we did.  Would we be willing to go to war back then if we knew that Saddam was simply going to get away with anything he did?  Probably not.  This statement set the stage for that party’s FAILURE to do their jobs!

The Best Moment of Sanity for 2007: Georgia’s Supreme Court Overturning the “Sex Crime Banishment” – Georgia politicians were crystal clear with their intentions.  They wanted to OUTLAW anyone convicted of a sex-related crime.  Period.  But they couldn’t just come out and put that in writing.  So they wrote the law in a way that would virtually guarantee that there would be no place left in the state where such people could live.  And once again the legal system had to step in.  Listen, if you didn’t have these ass-clowns in the halls of government enacting these asinine anti-freedom laws, the judges wouldn’t have to make these kinds of decisions!  What part of that do you people NOT understand?  You’re not keeping the streets safe by banishing those whose only crime was doing some “home-schooled Sex-Ed” back when they were teenagers or mooning City Hall.  Start using your BRAINS!

The Most Delusional Person in 2007: Former Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove – The good news is that “FORMER” bit that has been added to Rove’s title.  And it really is a good thing too, because of late he’s been acting like his brain is some alternate dimension where the GOP never LOST control of the Congress in 2006.  He wants to blame the whole going to war in Iraq against the CONGRESS, even though it has been categorically proven – THROUGH THE WHITE HOUSE NO LESS – that it was not the case!  Then he turns around and chastises the Republican presidential wannabes for distancing themselves from the almighty Dubya!

The Second Most Delusional Person in 2007: Bill O’Reilly – Bill O’Reilly thinks that he is a force of journalistic nature.  In truth, he is nothing more than a glorified freak show salesman who uses his goon squad pretending to be “producers” to harass people who question his mythical “wisdom”.

The Third Most Delusional Person in 2007: Lou Dobbs – More on that next…

The Biggest Non-Candidate for 2007: Lou Dobbs – Lou Dobbs really is more or less the CNN version of Bill O’Reilly if you think about it.  He’s personality pretty much makes his program more about him than about the issues discussed.  Sure he’s got a favorite pet peeve or two.  We all do.  But there are times when even his shtick as a COMMENTATOR goes over the top, and in those instances he actually sounds like he is running for office.  That’s why you have all of these people BEGGING him to run for President.  Yeah, “candidate of last resort” my ass!  Listen, I appreciate the push to get people to vote independent, but if you’re serious about not running for office then you need to STOP SOUNDING like you are!

The Second Biggest Non-Candidate for 2007: Newt Gingrich – After teasing the conservative and neo-conservative wonks for a while, the former Speaker of the House decided that he liked his consulting jobs and speaking engagements better than trying to be the spoiler for the Republicans already in the running for the White House.  Of course that still hasn’t stopped him from TEASING the idea to people and giving the conservatives hints that if they REALLY WANT him to run… well, he might consider it.  Sorry guys, but we already have one “teaser” candidate in the running.

The Third Biggest Non-Candidate for 2007: Cynthia McKinney – First she wants to run for the Green Party nomination.  Then after she raises enough money to pay off her campaign costs for when the voters kicked her out of office (again) in 2006, she announces that she really doesn’t WANT the Green Party nomination and instead wants her old job in Congress back.  Then when she realizes that she doesn’t stand a chance getting her job back for a third time she decides to go back to running for the Green Party nomination, although only for California.  Well good luck in La-La-Land, Cynthia.  I’m sure you’ll feel right at home there.

The Best Actor in a Non-Fictional Role for 2007: Fred Thompson – Oh, wait, you mean Fred isn’t PLAYING the role of a politician?  I thought his fumbling and bumbling around was all part of his character!  You mean that’s ACTUALLY his campaign?  You would think that after his stint in the Congress and after his career as a TV and movie actor – most notably on NBC’s “Law and Order” series – that he would have done a better job so far.  After all, he IS the “teaser” candidate that people wanted to have run!  On the plus side, his lackluster portrayal of a “people’s choice” candidate did contribute to keeping Newt out of the running, so it’s not all bad.

The Best Actor in a Fictional Role PRETENDING to be Non-Fictional for 2007: Stephen Colbert – Yes, Stephen Colbert the comedian was playing Stephen Colbert the media neo-con and Presidential wannabe.  Yes, I got the joke.  It’s a pity that the Democrats and Republicans didn’t get it though.  Just campaigning in South Carolina should have been a big tip-off for them.  Besides, it’s frigging SOUTH CAROLINA!  It’s not exactly a make-or-break state for candidates.  And if you’re getting your ass whipped by Stephen Colbert, then maybe you really shouldn’t be running in the first place.

The Worst Victim of Moralism in 2007: Don Imus – “Apology accepted” my ass!  Al Sharpton didn’t want an apology.  He wanted Don Imus’ head on a platter, cowboy hat and all.  Ask for forgiveness and you’re supposed to get it.  That’s the rule, “reverend”!  Now, of course, Imus is back on the air, but it’s clearly not the same guy who got fired.  And you can thank Sharpton personally for that.

The Worst Local Governments in 2007: The City of Boston – “Beantown” actually beats out Atlanta in this award over its hyperactive and reckless handling of the “Mooninite Scandal” from January.  IT WAS A FRIGGING LITE BRITE YOU FEARMONGERING JERKOFFS!  Each and every one of those politicians involved deserves a smack upside the head, a kick in the ass, and a one-way trip to the unemployment office.

The Most Pitiful Software Upgrade in 2007: Microsoft Windows Vista – Hey, I don’t want to really knock the empire that Bill Gates built, but the “long awaited” upgrade really wasn’t what it was hyped up to be.  There’s nothing really “revolutionary” about Vista.  It’s really just a glorified bug fix with some modest GUI changes.  XP was a fundamental change in that it completely abandoned the MS-DOS architecture for the NT model.  Vista simply capitalizes on it and adds some additional features that should have been incorporated into XP in the first place.  AND as with all other operating systems, it’s a severe MEMORY HOG.  So you have all of these computers that have maybe 512MB or 1GB RAM trying to run Vista and you have salesmen saying “don’t buy it, it’ll run slow.”  Don’t buy it?  Then why the hell are you selling it with Vista in the first place???  Strip the OS out, slap on the OEM version of XP, and then put it back on the shelf!  Trust me, it’ll sell! And if Microsoft bitches, then simply send the stock BACK to the manufacturer!  Either that or offer to give it the needed RAM.  But don’t pull this “it’ll run slow” crap!  You’re there to sell it, it’s up for sale… so SELL IT!

The Most Overhyped Tech Item for 2007: Apple’s iPhone – Goes without saying.  Okay, so this is something that has been on Steve Jobs’ wish list for a while, but that still doesn’t mean it’s the end-all-be-all tech toy.  If your life sucked before the iPhone, it will still suck when you get it.  In fact, it’ll suck even worse because of how much you paid for it on top of your required AT&T phone service.  And just wait until the battery finally gives out!  It’ll happen sooner than you think!

The Room 101 Award for 2007: Alberto “Gonzo” Gonzales – This man LOVES torture!  Whether it’s a suspected Al Qaeda terrorist, his job description, or the English language in general, this man LOVES to torture!  And of course, as any reader of George Orwell’s work will tell you, the TRUE reason for torture is NOT to get at the truth, but to change a person’s way of thinking!

The Bushie Ditz Award for 2007: Former Rove Aide Sarah Taylor – Repeat after me, Sarah: the oath you took was to uphold THE CONSTITUTION!  It was NOT to protect and defend George W. Bush and his neo-Roman Imperium!  Back to Civics 101 for you.  Of course I wouldn’t put it past the Imperium to mandate their own little Skull-n-Bones loyalty oath as well.  After all, an Imperium with that many skeletons in it REQUIRES some additional top secret loyalty oaths.

The Biggest Miscarriage of Justice for 2007: Celebutant Jail Time – I’m sorry, but all of those celebutants that broke the law and had to go to jail really DID NOT pay their “debt to society”!  Paris Hilton is the only one who came close, and even then she had to wail and moan and cry and use her rich daddy’s lawyers to try to get her out in violation of the judge’s orders.  Listen carefully – you too Sherriff Lee Bacca – if a celebrity is sent to jail and you can measure that time with a STOPWATCH, then that person PAID NO DEBT TO SOCIETY!  All they’re doing is making a VISIT.

The Worst Train Wreck of 2007: Britney Spears – This goes without saying… but I will say it anyway.  This young woman is really SCREWED UP!  She has hung around way too many “yes” people, way too many “Entourage” deadbeats, and way too many members of the Stalkernazis.  She desperately NEEDS to get the hell out of the TMZ fishbowl and STAY OUT of there for at least a year.  She’s lost custody of her kids, she lost the right to drive with the kids in the car, her MTV appearance sucked royally, her new album sales are abysmal, and her antics are actually making her waste-of-oxygen ex-husband Kevin Federline look like the NORMAL one!  She really needs to start fresh.  Oh, and if the rumors of her being pregnant for a third time are true, then she had might as well just flush any kind of “pop star” future she may have down the toilet.  She needs to remember that she’s more than just eye candy.  She’s supposed to be an ENTERTAINER, although right now the only “entertaining” that she’s doing is making a mockery of her life.  On the plus side, of course, is that the more Britney’s life is screwed up, the less attention that is given to Lindsey Lohan’s minor train wreck, Paris Hilton’s pseudo “reform”, and Nicole Ritchie’s pregnancy.

The Worst Economic Mismanagement of 2007: The Subprime Mortgage Fiasco – Here’s a problem that certain people SHOULD have seen coming.  Housing prices skyrocket to absurd overinflated levels.  People get snookered into taking out subprime mortgages, including those who were economically capable of getting a normal mortgage.  The rates get jacked up and people lose their homes.  And the banks and other lenders supposedly didn’t SEE this coming?  This commentator truly finds that assertion HARD to believe!  This is really no different than the Savings and Loan fiasco of the late-1980’s and the Enron and WorldCom corporate fiascos of just a few years ago.  It’s just a matter of finding a convenient scapegoat.   Or maybe they’ll just let those countless millions serve as their own scapegoats for supposedly “not knowing any better”.

And finally…

The Worst Government Mismanagement of 2007: North Georgia’s Water Supply – Let’s see if I get this straight: at a time when the whole Southeastern part of the United States is under a SEVERE drought – the worst it has ever been in at least a century – residents and businesses here in the northern part of Georgia, people who have been here for YEARS, are expected to FOREFIT their water supply so fishermen in Florida can continue to fish?  Or is it because Alabama wants to send more water for its nuclear reactor than it ever needs?  Or is it because of some fish and shellfish in Florida on the Endangered Species list?  The excuses never seem to end, do they?  Oh and while the residents of Georgia worry about whether or not their taps will run dry, the local governments have been busy rubber-stamping every growth project imaginable to bring in even MORE people to FURTHER drain our resources.  Does this sound like competent governing to you? 

Let’s get brutally honest here… this is a problem that has never been resolved in several years, and right now the only options left that can really force a solution will be either an Iraq-style regime change over control of the Buford Dam and a FORCED reorganization of the US Army Corps of Engineers, or else a lynch mob.  Take your pick, but I promise you this: if you tell four million residents that they have to lose their water supply, then YOU WILL have to deal with a lynch mob!  Count on it!

Well that’s it for 2007.  I’m sure there are plenty of other fun things that went on over the year, but that’s the best and the worst that come to this commentator’s mind.  Lots of fun stuff… and just wait!  2008 will have even MORE insanity between the forthcoming recession (which yours truly predicted would happen as far back as 2005), the iPhone battery issue, and the Presidential Election season! 

Enjoy the holidays while you can, because January will be when the REAL fun begins!